Category Archives: free associations

Rants, streams of consciousness, opinions, banter, and general goings-on.

Two Wolves & Intentionality

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An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life…

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

“One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

“This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied,
“The one you feed.”

*From Pearls of Wisdom; inspired by Mark Franklin’s Career Cycles framework.

A Connection to Remember

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WOAH! Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!

What did she just say?

Did I just hear what I thought I heard: The words every person in a relationship fears to hear at any point in time? You’ve got to be kidding.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? It’s not like she’s giving me much breathing room here.

Why couldn’t she just say “we have to talk”? What kind of bullsh*t is this? Who just says that?

Ok, ok, try to focus. She said it. And she said it in that tone: The one that means business. She’s not just saying it to jostle me; she’s serious. And this is not a vulpine move: I know that. She’s pissed off and she’s putting her foot down.

The words set my thoughts on fire like napalm. Is there any way to respond to that without freaking out? I mean, what does she expect me to do?

“I want to have an affair”

An affair? What the hell…because I’m not enough for her? Wow, I’ve really lost it. Why couldn’t I have seen this coming?

Wait a second, it’s not like I’m an abusive boyfriend; I tell her I love her all the time. I’m there for her when she needs me; I make an effort to interact with her family and friends. So what is this? Why an affair?

Alright, I have to respond but I don’t want to snap at her – she’s already pulling away, I don’t want to make the gap farther, I want to close it… so what can I say?

“Go ahead you ungrateful bit-” no, no, that’s pushing. Try again.

“But you mean the world to me! Why would you-” No, that’s pulling her towards me and if she’s already pushing, then pulling is going to tear her apart.

I need to say something that’s going to communicate that I want to deal with this with her; show her that this is a real relationship, no matter how much I’m freaked out right now.

“I hear you. I hear that you want to have an affair”. Woah, where did that come from? Well, I want to show her that I’m attentive to her needs and that I’m meeting her where she is right now. I want to listen, really listen to her. That way, I’ll find out why she wants to have an affair. “What’s going on?” that’s good. It’s a straight up question posed after I’ve let her know that I’m all ears.

“I feel like you don’t listen to me anymore”.

That’s SUCH HORSESH- hold on, hold on; these are her feelings. She’s allowed to feel that way. But I do listen to her – and I’m listening now. She’s putting the blame about how she feels on me, like I can control how she feels. That is not how it works.

“Don’t talk about me, talk about you.” We’ve discussed this before – I’ve let her know in the past that only I can make myself feel something. If she does something, it’s MY choice whether I react to it or not. So If I’m angry about something, I’m angry. And while I might feel angry at her for doing something, the truth is that it’s my issue to deal with, not hers. We’re adults now and responsibility’s the name of the game. I’m not shutting her down, I’m just focusing her.

“Ok, I don’t feel listened to.”

Good, she’s taking responsibility. That’s important because it means she’s ready to share more about where she is, not blame me. All I can do is listen, because if I tell her she’s wrong, I’m going to push her away. So just keep listening.

“Okay, I hear that you don’t feel listened to”. Good, I’m not putting any words in her mouth and I’m just there as a sounding board so she can get her thoughts out and then go back to being sane- I mean calm.

“That’s right. And I know that you listen to me, it’s just-“

No, don’t let her drift! Remind her about what she needs to talk about. “Keep it about you.”

“Right. I feel listened to sometimes it’s just lately… we’ve been really busy – I’ve been really busy.”

She caught herself there, that’s great! Just keep it going. “I hear you say that you’ve been really busy.”

“Yeah. And I really want to spend more time with you because I don’t feel connected.”

Oh, so it’s about connection! I didn’t realize that she felt a loss of connection. Don’t get distracted, keep going.

“So I hear that you don’t feel connected to me.” That’s it, no more. And look how she’s smiling. I don’t know where that affair came from but now’s not the time to ask, just stay on task.

            “No… well… I am now. *Sigh* I just want to feel that I can still talk to you about my day because I haven’t done that in a while… I’m okay. I don’t want to have an affair anymore.”

Wow… I kind of can’t believe we got through that without so much as a bruise. But I kept my calm (after losing my mind for a moment) and just listened to what she had to say. The reflection of her feelings helped her to feel validated and that encourages her to want to share more. That’s how she knew without a doubt I was right there with her. I didn’t have to defend my actions or anything! Wow, I feel incredible!

When You’re Wrong, You’re Right

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“When you’re wrong, you’re right.”

These words, spoken by a student I saw recently, gave me pause. They were talking about confidence – or at least the appearance of confidence – in this instance pertaining to the context of a job interview.

When you’re wrong, you’re right. It’s not what you say that matters, but how you say it. You could be making something up on the spot, and be totally wrong on whatever it is you’re talking about, but if you appear confident in what you’re saying, you’re more likely to be seen as right.

What exactly is confidence, and how do we get more of it?

What is confidence?

I’d like to make a distinction between what I see as different kinds of confidence. There’s confidence that’s similar to a personality trait, deriving from an overall sense of self-esteem that is fairly constant; and there’s confidence that comes from performing certain tasks repeatedly such that you become more and more certain that you will be able to perform those tasks effectively, which obviously fluctuates significantly according to the nature of the situation. For the sake of this post, we’ll call these two confidences “trait confidence” and “task confidence.” Let’s think of them as existing along two separate continua. I’ve created a crude diagram depicting this spectrum below, where the vertical axis represents trait confidence, and the horizontal axis represents task confidence.

graph of different kinds of confidence

I don’t really think it’s as simple as the graph above would suggest, but if we’re talking about where confidence comes from, I think these different quadrants might be helpful.

So, according to my theory, your overall level of confidence in any given situation is going to be dependent on your overall tendency to be confident  (trait confidence) combined with your sense of efficacy in that specific situation (task confidence).

It’s obvious that the place to be is in the top right quadrant, where you’re generally confident in your abilities and outlook, and you feel well practised in the task that you’re accomplishing. Barring that possibility, you either want to be in the top left quadrant or the bottom right quadrant, where you’re high in one kind of confidence but not the other. The place you really don’t want to be is obviously in that lonely square in the bottom left, without any confidence whatsoever.

How do we become more confident?

The seemingly intuitive thing to do is to practice. If we take into account our model of confidence above, however, we see that practising a task likely only improves your confidence as it applies to that task. I’m not convinced that becoming really skilled at playing chess, for example, will in and of itself make you a more confident person outside of that context.

So, the answer to the above question seems to be, as my supervisor so likes to say: “it depends.” If you want to feel more confident during job interviews, it makes sense to do lots of practice and try to go to as many interviews as possible, just as playing lots of chess makes sense if you want to be a more confident chess player. Simply by becoming more familiar with the process, and learning from your experiences and mistakes, you will become more confident in your abilities over time.

But what about that other kind of confidence? You know when people have it – they just seem to carry it around with them wherever they go. They inspire trust. They don’t seem to really ever get fazed by anything. They’re Confident, with a capital C.

How can you be more like that?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Photo credit: BetterWorks)

I believe the first step lies in something that humanistic psychologists have long been calling the self-actualization tendency. In essence, self-actualization is a fictional end state (we never get there, that’s why it’s a tendency) in which a person has totally fulfilled all of their humanly needs (starting with survival needs and escalating hierarchically to more spiritual and collective needs), and meaningful growth as a person is no longer possible or even desired.

Again, according to humanist psychology, the tendency to self-actualize is innate and automatic. We’re already trying to do it, all of us, from the moment we are born. The problem is that we encounter barriers to our growth, and we spend most of our lives figuring out ways of getting around them.

So, what does this have to do with confidence?

Sounds like a good topic to delve deeper into next week, doesn’t it?

*Cross-posted at the Career Services Informer.

Overtime’s True Cost: Fires and Addicts

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It was in the north – swamp country, but the forests were little more than books of green matchsticks drying in the relentless summer sun. After a long, hot day taking shelter under the shade of our helicopter, waiting and waiting for a call to action, we would fly back to camp, and hope to watch heavy storms pass overhead in the blue-grey night skies, grins as wide as the prairies on our faces. Storms meant lightning, lightning meant fire and lots of it, and fire meant one thing: overtime.

It was about seven years ago, and I was a wildland firefighter, living and working “in the boonies” of northern Alberta each summer to pay for my university education. It was a job that I have often described as being 90% boredom, and 10% excitement. It was also a job that paid very differently, depending on the severity of the fire season. There was nothing special about the wage, especially considering the physically demanding nature of the work. There was, however, a significant potential to find yourself in a situation demanding long, continuous hours, and significant overtime. Fires, after all, don’t just work from 9 to 5. Continue reading →

Emotions, Content, & Process in Careers

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English: Emotions

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They make you cry in front of complete strangers. They make you shout at or hurt people, even if they did nothing to deserve it. They can be intensely energizing, just as they can be suffocatingly demotivating. When they grab hold of you, logic and reason cease to make sense. as we give in to something baser, more ancestral, more automatic.

Emotions are one of the most distinctive, primal, and ubiquitous features of human life. Yet, despite their important role in career development and decision making, they can be one of the most frequently overlooked issues in career advising/counselling. It’s a bit puzzling at first, but something that I think makes sense when looked at through the correct lens. Continue reading →

Raccoons: The Perfect Career Role Models

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Raccoons are excellent role models for anyone looking to get a head start in their career.

Raccoons at Snug Harbour, Georgian Bay, Ontari...

"Look over there, a job posting!"

I know what you’re thinking. It goes something like this: “Wait, raccoons? Those back-alley dwelling, trash-pilfering, nocturtnal city stalkers? Surely, Dave, you’ve lost your mind to make such an outrageous comparison. Prompty return yourself to a satisfactory level of sanity before writing your blogs, in order to spare readers like us from such outlandish claims.”

Well, I’ve never really been one to make perfect sense all the time, so at the risk of being “outlandish,” allow me to explain why you should look to this wonderful, adorable animal as an inspiration for your career. Continue reading →

The Happiness of Subtraction

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“The more I have the more I think I’m almost where I need to be, If only I could get a little more”

The Avett Brothers – Ill With Want

English: Emotions associated with happiness

Image via Wikipedia

What’s the secret to happiness?

Is it that there’s something missing in your life? Something that, if only you had it, you could finally be happy?

It could be money, though there’s plenty of research out there these days that suggests this is not the case: wealthy people are no more happy than everyone else.

Maybe it’s just a matter of finding a job that you love: your dream job. Certainly, there are many people out there that have been fortunate enough to find themselves in this situation, but the reality is that the insistence on finding the perfect job is a myth that just makes persistent dissatisfaction acceptable.

Okay, maybe it’s love. Or perhaps time. If you had more of those, then you’d be happier, right? Intuitively this makes sense, but if we’re going by intuition then we’d be happier with more money in our pockets as well. I think it’s probably safe to say that these things can make you happy, but in and of themselves they’re no panacea.

Money, material possessions, a great job, time, even love… I would argue that adding any of these to your life is not the key to happiness.  No, adding anything is not the way to go. Instead, let’s think about subtraction. Continue reading →

Abstract Competence

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From ear to ear…
Or how about-

A mile between two esses.

However you want to describe it, I feel invincible! I’ve got the worlds largest, widest and brightest smile on my face. Boy, I haven’t felt this way in a loooong time. Sing it with me:
I’m in love again, and I can’t rise up of it. I’m in love again, and I love, love, love it!
(Any Cole Porter fans in the house?)

This is it: I have finally found the one. I met someone who is so perfectly suited to be mine, it’s sort of surreal. I want to shout my happiness from the rooftops, jump on couches and give everyone I meet a huge hug. Oh, I know about the ‘honeymoon period’ and what not, but I’m in no rush for this feeling to go anywhere.

The sound of her name fills my body with chills, the thought of her face begins a cascade of light from the depths of my soul upwards and fills the entire planet with sunshine. Regardless of whether or not it’s raining.

I’m short: I’m very, very, very, very happy.

Ok, ok, short: I’m happy. And while I normally describe my demeanor with that word, I realize that I’ve been lying. If this is happiness, then what I’ve been feeling is a state of contentment. Because days are now more lovely and food has more flavor.
And it’s all because of her.

Isn’t it?

I haven’t done anything differently. In fact, all I did to meet this incredible person who has changed my life was be myself (something I’m very good at). Certainly it’s her effect on my reality that has caused this unimaginable shift. I mean, who isn’t looking for someone to make them feel amazing?

Oh. No. Not again.

I cannot believe I’m relying (AGAIN) on outside information to gauge my worth. Son of a gun, I really thought I was past that. Is there really no escape?
*Huff* Ok, fine, I’m here now so I might as well see what the heck is going on.
But I’m going to be honest: I’m really nervous to inspect this… What am I going to uncover? Will I pick this feeling apart piece by piece until the only thing left is my choice just to feel great? Will I no longer see this person as special? Come on, I don’t ask for much; I’m not a hoarder of things… can I not just have this? Of all the things in my life to question and dissect, does love have to be one of them?

Woah. Well, that’s the first time I’ve mentioned that. With this person, anyway. And… yeah, it feels right. It’s not like we’ve just met, we saw this coming. So yeah, I love them.

But now that it’s out…. It’s kind of got me wondering… what do I mean when I say: I love them?
There are so many words to use when speaking about admiration of a deep sort and I’ve said “love” to more people I can count. But it’s such an abstract term. What I would like is to use the word in the most competent way I can. That way, when I say it to them, they will know exactly what I mean… and so will I.

I am crazy about this person. I think they are just fantastic. I love hearing them talk and I love talking with them. Damn, I just used it again. Ok, I want nothing more that to spend time conversing with them. Well, not just conversing with them but just spending time with them. Their thoughts are so stimulating and I hope they always stay that way.

So love is: I think you are amazing just the way they are and I don’t want you to change.
No, that’s not going to work because we change all the time. Okay, then I want to embrace the changes they make, as long as they’re healthy changes, because if they start to smoke, there are going to be problems.

Ok, so I have: I accept you for who you are and who you will become.

Wow. That’s not bad. And I think that if someone said that to me, I’d be really flattered because what else am I looking for than for someone to think I’m great just the way I am. I don’t want someone thinking that I need to change because then they don’t like me, they like ‘potential future me’. If I want to change, then they’re supportive of that. Of course, as long as I’m not changing negatively, which is for either of us to judge.

I love you. I accept you completely. That’s a love I feel competent using.

And if I find myself not being accepting, I can always read my first post again…

Anticipated Acceptance

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Wow, what a mistake.

What a stupid thing to do. Sometimes, man, I can really put my foot in my mouth. And not just my foot, mind you, but my whole leg. I am SUCH a moron.

Movies made about time machines were written by people who do the things that I do. I feel so incredibly stupid.

Why did I say that? Why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut? Or better, why couldn’t I have thought of something more eloquent to say?

Because I’m dumb, that’s why.

No, I’m not dumb; I’m completely oblivious to the obvious. Life is just kind of moving past my face and I, apparently, have no idea how to conduct myself among people. I might as well have slapped her in the face. Idiot! Who the hell do you think you are!? You should have your mouth removed. Let me get out of here before I say something else…

Ok, now that you’re away from people, you’re safe. That’s good. You can hide out here, you coward. Yeah, give you some paper and ink and everything’s fine. But face to face, you can’t seem to keep yourself civil. You’re a hero, alright. Why did you even come out? No one is enjoying your company anyway. Okay, maybe a few people but not enough to warrant your oh-so-important presence.

Woah. I feel awful. And it’s not like people told me to leave. What the heck is going on? Okay, breathe… try to calm dow-

-No, no, I’m not going to calm down! I’m going to turn around and leave and never come out for a night again because, clearly, I haven’t developed the necessary skills to-

-STOP.

Yes, I get it, I’m very, very angry at myself right now. I can feel it in my face: my jaw is clenched, my cheeks are hot, and my breathing is heavy and thick. My hands are beginning to shake and I want to punch something, causing pain in my hand, furthering my misery.

Where is this coming from? What am I getting myself all worked up for?

BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT STUPID, STUPID THING-

Okay, yes, I know I said something that I’m not proud of out loud. And she’s also, probably, not impressed. And I feel angry about that… Something I’m not proud of.

“Idiot” and “stupid”? I know that I don’t use those words often and when I do, I usually feel like one of them. But I only feel like an idiot when I do something that I know I shouldn’t do, but do anyway, against my better judgment. Well, I guess it’s not better judgment because if it was, I would take it. So I believe that the voice telling me “don’t say that” is wrong. Huh. And I ignore it and feel like a fool. AH! I’m embarrassed. Okay, that’s one part.

I feel ashamed of myself. that’s a pretty big emotion to feel. I’m not a fan of feeling ashamed of myself and I don’t feel it too often. And I hate feeling it.

Oh… so that’s where my anger is coming from. I’m angry that I have to feel something I don’t like to feel. So I cover it up with anger so that I can feel something else. I’m familiar with that and there’s a term that I’m aware of – metafeelings (it sounds so cool…): Feelings about feelings. So it’s not enough that I feel shame but I need to feel angry to work myself into a frenzy of self-rejection and calumny? I don’t like feeling ashamed of myself but it’s going to happen from time to time. And it happens for a pretty good reason- to remind me not to repeat my actions.

Unfortunately, I’m kind of a slow learner and I take it out on myself because I’m the only one to blame. Shouldn’t I know better than to do that? I can be so stup- there I go again.

Okay, so how do I want to deal with this feeling in the future, because I know it’s going to happen again because, no matter how hard I may try, I’m not able to stop time and choose what I want to say… actually, that’s a nice first step: I can expect it to happen so that when it does, I can identify it and say “ah, it just happened again, just as I thought it would”. This way, I’m setting myself up to accept who I am and what I tend to do. Already that feels much better; I prefer allowing myself to make mistakes and being preparing for when I do as opposed to beating myself up because they ‘shouldn’t’ happen.

I think I can go back inside now. There are still some people that I’d like to talk with. And how else will I get to practice my newfound technique of expected blunder? Besides, I can’t be the only person who says things he regrets here ;)

Stubborn or Persistent? A Stark Difference

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Winter Is Coming

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There’s a thin, temperamental line between persistence and stubbornness.

It’s one that I’ve brushed up against, rushed past without realizing, and/or carefully tread over with purpose many times. Like most things, persistence is something of a double-edged sword: it can be either a huge strength when applied in a constructive direction, or an outright flaw when clung to too tightly in situations that call for more flexibility. Like Ned Stark’s honour, it can earn you respect and carry you to high places, but it can just as quickly get you into serious trouble.

It’s no coincidence that many people I talk to who identify themselves as persistent (or who come to see themselves as persistent while talking about their story) also say that their friends and family think of them as stubborn. They are the same quality in essence, distinguished by matter of degree. Naturally, it’s often difficult to know where the shift from one to the other will occur. Continue reading →

Problems With Procrastination? Maybe Not

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Lazy Cat at Tum Bur in Hattingen Ruhr

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Around this type of year in any post-secondary education environment, there’s only one thing on students’ minds: exams (or as I prefer to call them, “knowledge exploration invitations“). It’s a bit of a shame, too, as there’s other, happier things to be thinking about around this time of year. Nonetheless, amid bulging auras of festivity as December quickly progresses, students learn that their holiday cheer must take a back seat to these evaluative academic tasks. Stress, sickness, and a bevy of other physical and emotional tolls are common and expected experiences.

In particular, one such experience seems to stand out prominently: procrastination. Yes, that unrelenting, all-consuming desire to defer certain tasks to a later time; that failure to delay the gratification of doing something more fun or less effortful; that most persistent voice in your head that does such a great job convincing you to put something off, then chases you into a guilt storm so dampening you don’t even enjoy what you ended up doing anyway.

How unpleasant. Continue reading →

A Journey Through Movember

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What a month!

How else could you describe the process of growing and caring for a moustache for an entire month, other than by calling it a “hairy-ing” experience? (I just couldn’t help it, sorry!)

For 30 days, I cultivated what can only be described as a scratchy, squirrelly patch of fuzzy dirt on my upper lip, ultimately resulting in…

pure fear, manifested as facial hair.

Let’s rewind for a bit, though. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to take part in Movember this year. I was aware that I was going to look a little bit ridiculous and I didn’t really have a problem with that. I had come to grips with my own level of professionalism, such that I didn’t feel that my new furry friend would compromise it. The first week was probably the most awkward, in terms of facial hair growth. There comes a point in the growing of every moustache when one must cross a threshold that they can never return from, and it is a very delicate line, fraught with peril on either side. I call it the “reveal.” Continue reading →

Career Stylists & The Power of Metaphors

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A dinner fork stuck in a road is a common pun ...

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If there’s one literary convention I love, it’s the metaphor. And I’m not the only one. I’ve written about metaphors here before – most recently in this post about emergence, but also in a couple of posts about time management, and this post about euphemismsfrom a while back. Something about metaphors allows us to explain things that would otherwise be nearly impossible to understand, merely by comparing that thing to something else. Practical use aside, metaphors also comprise some of the most elegant, powerful, and emotionally stirring language that we’re capable of creating.

Metaphors come up all the time in my work with students, whether they’re acknowledged or not. There’s clear value in using certain metaphors to explain the purpose behind many of the things we talk about. For example – why is it a good idea to have an attractive format and layout on a resume? Because it’s a great way to stand out from the crowd. No, there’s no crowd in most recruiters’ offices, but drawing that comparison helps to illustrate the significance of having a unique resume style, more powerfully and in fewer words than explaining this in other ways.

I’ve also thought about metaphors in terms of my own position as a career advisor. It’s thought provoking to ask, if you haven’t already, “how would I describe what I do if someone asked me to be as succinct as possible?” It wouldn’t be succinct at all to describe all the things you do on a daily basis, your responsibilities, your accomplishments, your significance. Nor would it be descriptive enough to only talk about a small subset of those things. So, how can we possibly do this question justice? Continue reading →

My Fascination With Sigmund Freud

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Sigmund Freud, founder of psychoanalysis, smok...

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Of all the posts I’ve written, the one that seems to consistently get the most page views is this one on strengths and weaknesses, Freud, and Alfred Adler. I guess there’s a lot of psychology students out there scouring the web in search of information on how these two prominent historical figures viewed the issue. If that’s the case, then I feel a little bit bad for them, because whatever knowledge I have about these two theorists likely derives from the same sort of textbooks that their courses are using in the first place. Although I suppose my writing is probably a bit more entertaining than that of most psychology textbooks (faint, faint praise).

Among psychology buffs, Freud can be a very polarizing figure. There are some – including close friends of mine – who strongly contend that he (and by extension classical psychoanalysis) single-handedly set back the progress of psychotherapy by decades, permanently etching a black mark on the history of psychology thanks to theories that seem almost non-sensical when viewed through a modern lens. What can I say? I guess people get a little sensitive when you tell them they unconsciously want to kill their father and sleep with their mother. Continue reading →

Money Makes You Less Motivated

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Cover of

Cover via Amazon

Money is a terrible motivator.

If I were to say to you, “Reader, I’d like you to come up with a creative way of solving this problem we have,” or “I’d like you to complete this complex task requiring somewhat sophisticated cognitive abilities,” you’d actually perform worse if I offered you a nice chunk of change as a reward.

Seem backwards? It should, because we’re quite conditioned to think about motivation in terms of linear, easily explainable rewards and punishments (see what I did there?).

Classical and operant conditioning form the bedrock of behavioural psychology, and between them explain a whole lot about motivation and learning. Classical conditioning, most widely known by the famous “Pavlov’s dog” example, tells us that we can create a new response to a stimulus merely by pairing that stimulus with another one a whole bunch of times. As a result, we can train dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by ringing a bell every time we give them food for a few weeks.

Meanwhile, Skinner’s operant conditioning explains motivation in terms of reward and punishment. If I want to create more of a certain behaviour, I should therefore offer a reward after every instance of that behaviour, reinforcing it. Similarly, if I want to decrease the frequency of a behaviour I can pair it with a punishment, which by all reasonable logic should decrease and hopefully extinguish the behaviour in question.

Continue reading →

Young and Pissed Off

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“I’m young and I’m pissed off.”

What a wonderful quotation, spoken by a student I saw recently. I was captured immediately by how much it conveyed, both cognitively and emotionally, in such few words.

The student was discussing their passion for politics and ambitions of being an agent of social change. After struggling for a few minutes to find a way to describe their career and life story’s theme, they summarized in six words several meetings’ worth of exploration succinctly and with such an elegantly contradictory combination of brusque and eloquence, that I knew it was only a matter of time before it inspired a blog post.

“Young and pissed off” communicates a certain set of underlying values and motivations. It suggests that there is a strong dissatisfaction with the way things are and an unyielding sense of responsibility to do something about it. It gives meaning and purpose to their story. And make no mistake – we’re all living out our own career and life stories. Continue reading →

Investing In The Old Boys’ Club

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convovation

Academia is a strong brew, taken without milk or sugar, steeped in tradition, and drunk from ceremonial cups. Its roots extend at least as far back as Plato’s Academy and perhaps as long ago as 2257 BC in China.

We don’t often think of the tradition associated with higher education these days, especially as the institution of academia comes under heavy fire from all quarters, accused of not preparing graduates adequately for the job market, inflicting undue and irreparable amounts of student debt, and just plain not being worth the investment. With that kind of ammunition being levelled at you, it’s pretty easy to get caught up in simply trying to defend your current existence, let alone inspiring an appreciation for something you’ve been upholding for thousands of years.

In other words, tradition doesn’t mean squat to an unemployed graduate with the weight of tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars of  debt on their shoulders. Continue reading →

Ryan Kahn: Another Pretty Face, Or A Career Hero?

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Dr. Phil. Dr. Drew. Dr. Oz. Any of myriad other “celebrity experts” we seem to be so collectively entranced by. I’ve long had a distrust of these kinds of people, but never really felt like I had too much to say about them, aside from a brief, somewhat unintelligent rant. This week, though, I added a new name to that list, and felt it significant enough to break my silence on the issue.

http://twitter.com/#!/lindenforest/status/126424536022388736

HIRED!Ryan Kahn, self-proclaimed future “most nationally recognized career coach,” seems to be making a name for himself. He’s got a show on MTV, a book, and perhaps more importantly, a young, cool, attractive image.

I’ll be honest here and say that I’m fairly conflicted about Ryan’s sudden rise to popularity.

As with anything, there are positive and negative ways of looking at it. Allow me to start with a few of the reasons I am hesitant to accept Mr. Kahn as the major representation youth are receiving of the career development field.

I suppose my biggest concern has to do with Ryan’s credibility. Although I really don’t know much about the guy aside from some basic internet research, having looked at his website, and having watched some videos of him speaking at seminars, it seems like his credentials aren’t exactly what a practitioner in the career development field would be expected to have. According to Wikipedia, he has a bachelor’s degree from California Polytechnic State University, and a “focus degree” in music business. It seems from there that he did a few internships with some big name firms, got a few speaking gigs at UCLA, and probably caught the attention of someone who thought he’d be a great TV personality.

Of course, there’s not really any regulation over the title “career coach,” so Ryan is perfectly justified in using that descriptor, and for all I know he might be a really great one. Nonetheless, there are plenty of actual career development experts out there with doctorate degrees, bringing decades of experience, ground-breaking publications, and high quality peer-reviewed research to the table, that I would sooner put my trust in as a representation of the field. Norm Amundson may not be as sexy as Ryan Kahn, but he’s definitely got the upper hand when it comes to credentials.

It’s not Ryan’s fault that he’s being portrayed as more of an image than an expert. The fact of the matter is that in order to carve out any degree of fame these days, you have to appeal to a certain audience. In Ryan’s case, that audience is youth – youth that are being told at every corner that there are no jobs, that the economy will never recover, that they have to get a whole bunch of experience now in order to be competitive in a sardine can job market. Youth that are probably desperate for someone to tell them what to do, how to succeed. Youth that watch a lot of TV.

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to be an expert in order to do good things. I’m reasonably sure that Ryan’s actually helped some students and recent graduates in their careers, most likely in the procurement of internships in his own background industry, the entertainment business. Additionally, despite the fact that Ryan’s perhaps not the ideal version of what I would call a career development expert, it’s nice to see the field being represented in some way on such a large stage, to such an important audience.

Make no mistake, we are on the verge of a major demographic shift in North America that could potentially create a labour market disaster if we don’t get youth engaged. Baby boomers are currently the largest segment of the population, and as they begin to exit the job market en masse (retirements, death, etc.), we’ll need skilled replacements from a smaller and more disillusioned Gen Y. The difficulty lies in the transition from now to then. It’s no secret that the job market for recent graduates is not the best it’s ever been. It’s also no secret that once people have been out of the job market for long enough, they tend to disengage from it.

So, we need to keep our youth from becoming unemployed or underemployed for long stretches of time if we’re to avoid a major economic catastrophe in the next couple of decades. We need to keep them engaged.

If Ryan Kahn is a step in that direction, I’m okay with it.

*Cross-posted at the Career Services Informer.

Details Matter: In Defence of Grammar Police

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I “could care less” (watch the video for an explanation of what I really mean when I say that) about the grammar police.

Do they drive you up the wall? You wouldn’t be the only one. All you have to do is visit a discussion board wherein some unfortunate soul uses “there” in place of “they’re,” totally distracting from an otherwise coherent and possibly even convincing argument. The lightning-speed with which someone will point out their fatal grammatical flaw, utterly destroying any shred of credibility that poster may have otherwise had, is remarkable. It’s almost like a race to see who can point out the linguistic flaws in a post, particularly when a strong opinion is espoused. Such is the power of the Grammar Police.

Police

Image via Wikipedia

Of course, there is usually a counter-reaction that takes place. One who points out another’s spelling or grammatical mistakes is often ostracized for doing so, especially if they come off as holier-than-thou or project an inordinate amount of lexical righteousness. Lord help them if they make their own spelling or grammar mistake whilst pointing out someone else’s – although delightfully ironic, the ensuing flame-fest can be a disappointing reminder of the depths we can sink to when given anonymity and a place to vent.

Grammar police can be annoying. Infuriating, even.

Yet, I can’t help but feel a small triumph whenever someone exposes themselves as  actually caring about proper spelling and grammar. In this day and age, it’s becoming more and more rare to see people upholding the belief that these details matter. That how we communicate in writing has a great effect on how we are perceived (or not) as credible, intelligent, and worthy of respect. That to begin compromising on something so basic, so fundamental, is the first step towards the erosion of something much larger.

But that’s conceptual, abstract. In a very practical sense, the details matter. Just ask any recruiter or human resources professional whether they’re hiring decisions have been influenced by spelling and grammar mistakes. I’ve seen people taken out of the running for jobs due to spelling and grammatical errors in their application packages first-hand.

Does that sound ridiculous? If so, think about what it means to be a professional.

To be a professional means that you project a sense and an image of professionalism to the world. In a scenario in which people have to make quick judgments on your professionalism based on a relatively small amount of information (i.e. the hiring process), any sign that points to a lack of professionalism will be highlighted and extended beyond the scope of that small amount of information.

Essentially, grammatical errors mean you lack attention to detail. They mean that you’ll make the same sorts of mistakes in other written communication, such as emails to clients or stakeholders – and that your lack of attention to detail and consequent loss of professionalism now extends to the organization responsible for hiring you, who you are representing.

Even though our world is becoming increasingly digitized and means of communication are becoming shorter and quicker, there’s still every reason to remain vigilant when it comes to how you are coming across. Spelling and grammar errors still stand out on twitter – they just stand out faster and take up less space.

And does it actually save you that much time to type “gr8″ instead of “great” anyway? I don’t know about you, but typing “gr8″ involves using two different keyboards on my phone. Just doesn’t make sense.

*Cross-posted at the Career Services Informer.

Discipline Beats Time Management

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I’m from the prairies. I’ve always loved a big, open skyline and an endless horizon. Having moved to the west coast, one of the things I notice frequently is that the coastal mountains do a very effective job of blocking out the horizon and making the sky seem much smaller. As much as I love where I live, I often find myself longing for the freedom of those open prairie skies. It’s one of the first things I notice whenever I travel back home.

Conversely, my fiancée (who grew up on the coast) tells me that the mountains here give her a sort of sense of security. When we go back to Edmonton to visit, the flatter landscape and wide open spaces can make her feel sort of lost.

Last week’s post about the absurdity of the idea of time management saw me going off on a bit of a semantic rant (semantirant? serantic?). Probably because I’m not much of a planner or organizer (I’m a Myers-Briggs P), I have never really understood the value that many others ascribe to disciplined time management. Continue reading →